 Do you ever find yourself doing something that is a direct contradiction to something you say you want for yourself? For instance, you want to lose weight or eat healthy foods but then you find yourself eating stuff that you know isn't in line with that goal. And maybe not just having "some" but really going to town on it. The whole time saying to yourself, "I shouldn't be doing this, why am I doing this". Afterwards, the guilt and shame set in and you get so MAD at yourself. It's a very predictable cycle and one that we all do to some degree and it can be in lots of different areas of life but since I work with women around weight issues and healthy lifestyle we'll stick to that example. I want to say first that this is a large topic and I'm going to stick to just one layer of it. And that is... behind every behavior, there is a positive intention. "What could possibly be the positive intention behind eating food that isn't in line with my goals?", you might ask. The answer is, we are constantly trying to meet a need. That need can be comfort, love, acceptance, control, or any number of other things. So, while there is a part of you that wants to be fit, healthy, strong and energetic, there is another part of you that wants love, comfort, acceptance, reward for hard work, etc. and one way to achieve that is by eating "comfort" foods. This creates that Inner Conflict. We usually aren't in touch with this part of ourselves, in fact we call it "evil" or "bad" and try really hard to push it down. We get so angry at ourselves, feel guilty, thinking ourselves weak and lacking enough will-power. But when you actually give this part of yourself, the one causing the "bad" behavior, a voice, and allow it to be heard and understood, a healing can begin to occur and these two sides can begin to find a balance. The body wants to be in balance and is constantly trying to maintain balance but by making one side right and the other wrong it will continue to cause major disruption and continue fueling this internal conflict. By understanding what each side is wanting and needing, you can begin to find ways that will meet the needs of both. If it is a reward you're needing for working so hard or being so "good", maybe instead of binge-ing on unhealthy foods, you can treat yourself to a massage or pedicure. Or a cozy blanket that will give you comfort when you're tired. Or even some quiet time in a bath with a good book. See, when you become aware of what your are actually needing rather than purely responding to impulse, you can start coming up with other options. When you start listening to the different parts of yourself and giving each part equal importance, you will notice that anxious feeling caused by the internal conflict will be replaced with a peaceful calm feeling. Wouldn't that be a great way to go through life? |
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